i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
