Betty ford says i'm here all night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
