You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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