I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
