omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
