Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
