nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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