okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
