The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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