remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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