So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
