I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
