Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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