I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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