Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
