You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
