i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
