I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
