I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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