you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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