I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
