Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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