i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
