I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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