I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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