You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His nipple licking is glorious
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