just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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