Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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