No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
