it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
