I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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