I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
