how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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