Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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