i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
