just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
