Whod you bang
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
