google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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