oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
