I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
