I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
