please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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