I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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