i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
