he was CRYING into my vagina
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
