Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
