I'm so fucking centered right now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
