Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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