my phone needs a breathalizer
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
