She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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